lately i’ve been.thinking about death. my own death. sometimes i feel too stressed that i want to take my own life. i already have a good plan about it, i have the tools too. but then i realized i’m just running from problems. same goes today, i feel sick of being a burden to my parents, to people i love. i thought that the only way i could help them was me being dead. i mean, by being dead, i would only being a burden for them one last time. sadness and sorrow won’t last that long. maybe a year or two, but not forever. but then i asked myself, am i really ready to face the death? wasn’t it feel like i underestimate the death?
and again, seems like i always wanted things i couldn’t have. curiosity take the best of me. i always, always feel curious about things i didn’t get to learn formally. maybe that desire push me to yearn for something i didn’t to experience or not yet experienced. like death. and it makes me feel like i’m being ungrateful about my life. well, even though i do feel grateful, or at least my consciousness tells me that i’m being grateful, but deep down i guess i’m a greedy for always wanting more. like i really wanted to learn everything, to know and to understand about the universe… yeah, i guess i am a greedy person after all…
